Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Have you heard about the new movie called constipation? It hasn`t come out yet.
Marriage teaches you a lot about yourself. For instance, I`ve learned that I don`t need to use so many paper towels, and they`re expensive.
Just realized the laundry detergent has been in the refrigerator for 3 days, in case you`re looking for a business manager.
I`m glad I learned about parallelograms instead of how to do taxes. It`s really come in handy this parallelogram season.
Holy crap! I just realized that I´m still it from a game of tag in 1987.
When life is stressful, do something to lift your spirits. Go for a drive. Go two or three thousand miles away. Maybe change your name.
Nothing makes you feel more insignificant than still having 85% battery at noon.
If you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a video camera you can usually film like 7 or 8 births before they throw you out
I`m going to propose with a mood ring so I can easily see a measurement of how excited she really is.
I`ve officially reached the point in my life where the trash goes out on Friday nights way more often than I do.
"Have you been drinking . sir?" asks the policeman. "Go Pikachu! Thunderbolt!" "Sir, did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
When people ask for my advice, I advise them not to take my advice. That really screws them up.
I swear I saw a guy earlier today that had no chin and all I could think about was, how does he put on pillow cases?
The text message is the new greeting card, but without any hope that there will be money inside.
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke