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I have no words to describe this day. I do however have a number of obscene gestures that would work.
Sometimes I feel like I get less attention than a white crayon.
exactly how long is a cotton picking minute.
I`m reading a book on anti-gravity. It is impossible to put down.
My short-term memory is my ONLY problem..... Well, that, and my short-term memory
I was looking all over for my ambition today......well, It wasn`t under this 12 pack, so I`ll look tomorrow.
1, 2 Freddie´s coming for u 3, 4 better lock the door 5, 6 grab your crucifix 7, 8 gotta say up late 9, 10 never sleep again
If your drug dealer is always on time he is a cop …
To skip any youtube ad just change ‘youtube’ to ‘youtubeskip’ in the url of any video. You’re welcome.
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she`s going to get me something.
I get in this weird mood where I don’t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood ‘Awake’
The word "Saturday" has "turd" in it. Good luck trying to ignore that for the rest of your life, starting now.
My last request: At my funeral, someone come up at the end and padlock my coffin shut, just to freak everyone out.
Going to the toilet without your phone is like going to war without a gun
Sign in a grocery store: Take lettuce from top of stack, or heads will roll!