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To all the waiters out there: we don`t get impressed when you try to memorize our orders, we just get nervous.
Everybody says waking up at 5 in the morning to exercise makes you feel great but I think lying in bed for another 2 hours feels better.
Getting married at 22 sounds alot like leaving the party at 9:30
My last relationship was a lot like The Notebook. It felt like it lasted forever and we both wanted to die towards the end.
Lightning bugs use their blinkers more than most drivers.
My local hairdresser just got arrested for selling drugs. Unbelievable! I`ve been her customer for 10 years and had no clue she was a hairdresser!
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing & they live for 150 years. Lesson learned
Love is a two way street but you have to be careful because women can’t drive.
I`m a fantastic secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don`t care enough to actually talk about it to anyone else.
People that are organized are just too lazy to look for things.
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,…Why don’t you ever smile in my pictures?
To all my friends who sent me best wishes for 2013, for 2014 could you please send money, alcohol or petrol vouchers…Cheers!
My favorite beer is the 15th one.
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche...
I feel like we really lowered our expectations of what constitutes magic when we began using it to describe markers