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If you are offended by the things I post on FB you can only imagine the ones I don`t post.
[the instructor clearly frustrated with me on first day of veterinary school] "It doesn`t matter if its a dog, it`s still called a cat scan"
I think Tampax and Hershey`s should get together and offer a super pack....
Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain beard 3.) prisoner of war beard 4.) homeless person beard 5.) wizard beard
I don`t really care who wins the elections as long as everyone had fun out there.
A new study found that legalizing marijuana in Colorado has created more than 10,000 jobs...by keeping Taco Bell open 24 hours.
"are you as bored as I am?" if you read that backwards, it still makes sense.
I could of sworn my pillow`s a hairdreeser...coz I always wake up with the craziest hairstyles!! :D
Stages of Drunk: 1. Wow. I can dance. 2. All hats look GOOD on me. 3. Shhh. Don`t wake up the cows.
How to cuss a kid out... "Shut the fudge up you little astronaut! You son of a batch of cookies! What the helicopters are you doing?!"
This ramen noodle and vienna sausage dinner taste exactly like I made the wrong career choice :(
Driving isn`t even in the top 5 things I`m thinking about when I`m driving.
Being alone with my thoughts can be quite boring unless alcohol is involved
I don’t think my neighbor watches porn. She asked if I could fix her sink. I’ve been here for an hour and I’m still fixing her sink.
If zombies attack the world, everyone will run and hide. Except for us gamers, of course. We`ve been waiting for this all our lives!