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The only thing I love more than cake is cakes.
I bought a blowup doll today, but I won`t blow her up until tomorrow. I don`t want to seem desperate.
Deadliest Catch and Jersey Shore - two reality tv shows about catching crabs
If they have an Ice Cream Truck for kids why don’t that have a Beer Truck for adults?
Is it wrong, to put people on your bucket list?
I see you liked my status... I accept your invitation for sex.
What if cell phones are part of an elaborate plot to rid the world of phone booths so Superman has nowhere to change?
My phone dies faster than a black man in a horror film.
I’m not a schizophrenic… At least, that’s what all the voices tell me.
Farts are just ghosts of things that we ate. ;D
Drink coffee! ... Do stupid things faster with more energy.
Soon ovens will come with webcams and wireless connections so that posting photos of your dinner will be even easier.
If I’ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
One dog was admiring another dog`s leash, and said, "I admire your restraint."
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in the fruit salad.