Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
St. Patricks day is the only time you can ask somebody in public,"Do you want some green" without you looking suspect.
Friend: Hey that`s a great truck. what kinda engine? Me: [rubbing the hood] it`s got a truck engine
There is always something to be thankful for. If you can’t pay your bills, you can be thankful you are not one of your creditors.
As often as I lose lighters and sunglasses, it`s a good thing I never had kids. Or did I?
Sometimes I like to play God and just ignore everyone when they talk to me.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching. -Bfanch
Our sex was so good, the neighbors smoked after we finished.
Possible Fact: White guys with corn rows make dangerous zombies, cuz you can`t possibly run away while laughing that hard at the same time.
I still remember when everyone wanted their phone to be smaller. Now that we can watch porn on them, everyone wants them bigger.
I don`t have a drinking problem ... I`m just really thirsty.
I`ll never forget the first time I saw a dry erase board, "Wow" I thought, "that`s remarkable"
Friends don’t let friends twerk.
My doctor said I should eat better. I told him, with what he charges, I’m lucky I eat at all.
I`m in no shape to exercise patience!
I spent the first 20 minutes of 2014 looking for the remote.