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Do you really know me or am I just an idea that you`ve built in your head?
So I just saw a donkey crossing the road. The cool thing was he looked both ways before crossing. What a smart a$$.
Tomorrow, history will be made. Months and months of advertisements and anticipation has led up to this historic day. America will see firsthand what is surely to be a historic event, and I am proud to say I will do my part and pick up my copy of Halo 4.
I hope the next big trend in music is Talent.
Anyone that tells you money is the root of all evil is f*cking broke.
It`s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
When you drink Vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure, When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure, When you drink Whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems, When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems. Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
Just think of me as the guy next door. With a telescope.
You don`t have to dress like you`re a handbag, unless you are Lady Gaga.
I never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn’t hate.
The brain is the most outstanding organ, it works for 24 hours 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
That mind-blowing moment when you realize chores were really the crap your parents didn’t want to do.
A cross-eyed teacher has no control over her pupils
The only honest people in the world are small children and me after a couple cocktails.
my girlfriend asked me to go to the store and pick her up 50 shades of grey, she was pretty mad when i brought home 50 tubes of lipstick.