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Got into a vicious battle with quite possibly the World`s Largest Spider. The outcome? Well, I`m updating my Facebook status this morning.... He isn`t.
One of the first things they tell you in AA is to stop hanging around alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.
I miss being able to use the excuse "I wasn`t home when you called."
Screw getting an alarm system. I`ve seen Home Alone, I know what to do.
Still don`t understand why you can`t end a company-wide email with, `Later b*tches.`
Starbucks announced guns are no longer allowed in their stores. Seems crazy banks didn`t think of this.
You`ve got to love yourself. But not in public places.
I DON`T NEED ANYONE OR ANYTHING!!! (Except for Louie...the name I`ve given this meatball sub.)
I don’t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
If you had to choose between your girlfriend or GTA 5 which character would you play as first?
It`s ok to admit when you`re wrong. Just don`t tell anyone.
If you can`t handle your alcohol I would gladly help you out
Stop, drop, and roll isn`t just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.
That awkward moment when you can’t tell if it’s a Halloween costume or their regular clothes…
I`m at my most cardio when I am moving the treadmill into storage