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I think I really have an amazing butt. Every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say "what an ass.."
I`ve got good news and bad news. The good news is this status is almost over. The bad news is you read the whole thing.
You can correct people`s grammar or you can have friends. But you can`t do both.
“100 Calorie Packs” roughly translated means “Eat Two or Three of These”
Some day I wanna be "change my oil every 3000 miles" rich!
Excuse me but which level of Hell is this?
You couldn`t handle me even if I came with instructions.
I seem to start my day backwards. I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.
We played a lot of "Keep The Balloon In The Air" as kids, a game known to most other people as being poor.
Facebook becomes 100 times more entertaining when you have work to do.
I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world. I told them to F off!! Anybody who fits into my clothes isn`t starving!!
It would be great if there was an app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
Sure thing.... follow me... I`ll show you the fastest way to get to nowhere.
The early bird needs a punch in the throat.
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna` be a great day.