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Apparently, starting an impromptu game of leap frog with somebody bending over to tie their shoe is considered rude. Church is boring.
All the women moaning about finding a husband obviously never had one.
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. Iām flattered.
Apologizing for canceling a meeting is like saying sorry for buying me a beer.
Really discouraging that there`s still bald people in sci fi movies.
ROFL!!ā¦.. LOL jk iām still in my chair.
If Olympic drinking was an event I would probably take gold in the floor routine.
Families should be able to trade people, just like professional sports teams.
Whoever invented the 5 day work week and 2 day weekend can suck my a**!
Today, my wife asked "would you still love me if I was ugly and fat." "Yes, honey I do." was not the right answer.
Me: GUESS WHO BOUGHT A MEGAPHONE!? Neighbor: Get out of my house! Me: You`re not even guessing.
This movie has "adult content"? So, they`re gonna complain about back pains and setting up a 401k?
With my luck, I`ll die and get reincarnated as myself.
i made a chicken salad the other day. little bastard didn`t even eat it.
If you kept one of those jars where I`d have to put in a quarter every time I swore, you would be a billionaire by the end of the week.