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The good thing about Facebook is if someone gets on your nerves enough, you can make them cease to exist in your world and you don`t even have to hide a body.
"They Dared Me To" should be a legitimate excuse in a Court of Law.
I`m getting really tired of being really tired of stuff.
Pretending to be a morning person is exhausting.
Bending over ... preparing to do my taxes.
Every so often I’ll listen to my wife talk non stop for hours at a time, to remind myself why people wander into traffic without looking.
"She really does suck!" could be a complement in the porn industry
My toddler gets pretty impatient with me for someone who takes 45 minutes to eat an egg.
Not having any friends means I`m always the pretty one.
If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a complete loser.
My boss told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities. I said, “That’s great. Well I have a serious drinking opportunity.”
I laugh in the face of normal.
Cheers to alcohol! The cause of, and solution, to all of life’s problems!
I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I`m certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches.