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If you`re wondering about my cooking skills, I`ve been asked to bring paper towels to our family gathering.
The doctor told me I need more greens in my diet. So I have switched to mint Oreos.
No children were harmed in making this status. Ignored perhaps, but certainly not harmed…
A rainy Friday is still better than a sunny Monday.
"I don`t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others` lives sounds fun!" - How I got out of jury duty
My hatred for Nicki Minaj probably stems from my fear of clowns.
Is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep?
There`s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
If a camera adds 10 pounds then maybe stop eating them
If you go for a jog and you don`t post it on Facebook, have you really jogged?
Finding a date on the internet is so much easier than real life because how are they supposed to know that`s not your Ferrari?
I could be a morning person....if morning happened around noon.
I finally finished my 4,000 piece jigsaw puzzle. It reads- " Get a life you sad F**k "
Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they’re absolutely right because smart men don’t get married.
Im really not just some idiot with nothing better to do with my time, I just play one in FB.