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My car is so old the high beam switch is on the floor...
Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you`re up to. :)
A person who is bad at math should never take a calculated risk.
Look at the keyboard. It has `U` and `I` together. Look underneath that. It says `JK`.
Fun Fact: Even though they call it a "man hole", you can shove women and children down it just fine.
Warning: I just get weirder.
I like that CNN is tweeting a picture of ebola bacteria. It will be handy in case I encounter it in the wild. With my microscope vision.
Sorry for whatever I said when I was hungry.
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die!
he who laughs last thinks slow
I enjoy romantic scrolls up and down your timeline.
I got kicked out of the audience of "Cats" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer.
It`s been an exhausting day of pretending I`m a pleasant person.
It`s kind of creepy that you noticed me staring at you.
I think girls secretly enjoy putting guys in the friend zone