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I don’t go to bars for the same reason I don’t grocery shop when I’m hungry. I always come home with things I didn’t need.
I`m an outdoorsy kind of guy, I like to drink beer outdoors
Getting married at 22 sounds alot like leaving the party at 9:30
I don’t just say crazy things on the internet, I do that in real life too.
If it were easy then everyone would act like me.
Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart
If a Police Officer says, Anything you say will be taken down & used as evidence... Your answer should always be, Please don`t hit me again officer...
Relationship status: Are you gonna eat that?
Morning comes in 3 sizes: 1) Early. 2) Too early. 3) Way too early
Ladies first. Because it might be dangerous.
Just once I want to see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
It’s not weird to talk to yourself, it’s just weird when someone else hears you talking to yourself.
When one door closes another one opens. Or you could just re-open the closed door. Because that’s how doors work.
Don’t be scared of making changes. Be scared of living the same shitty life because you didn’t change. And spiders. Be scared of them too.
Yes, I used to "dance like no one is watching"; at least until Google Earth sent me a certificate for ten free lessons.