Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My life is a constant battle between my love of food and not wanting to get fat.
Hey NSA, we all know you`re there now. So click the approve on my Candy Crush ticket request.
I just got kicked out of the Zoo! How was I supposed to know that real hippos don`t actually eat marbles?
I wish pillsbury would think of another way to open biscuits without giving you a heart attack ;)
Any pencil can be a number two pencil if you eat it.
Love going into a crowded area and yelling, "Hey stupid!!" and seeing how many people turn around.
Ok everybody. Please look in your bedroom closet. I got my stalking notes mixed up and don`t know where I am.
They act like technology is ruining childhood, but back in the day, kids were so bored they would turn their eyelids inside out for fun.
Feeling bored? Post a status on Facebook that says "Barack Obama 2016" and buckle up for the ride of your life.
I was standing in front of the mirror earlier, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
I will resolve to spend less time on Facebook..............ok, got that one out of the way.....................
This ramen noodle and vienna sausage dinner taste exactly like I made the wrong career choice :(
I can`t help but smile when I see a woman wearing a Supertramp Concert t-shirt
C`mon Netflix, we both know I`m watching the next episode. Just go ahead and start it.
Sex Is Like Math: Add The Bed, Subtract The Clothes, Divide The Legs, And Pray To God You Don`t Multiply!