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It`s the simple things that make me laugh....mostly you.
If I were a cashier I`d pretend people were waiting in line to kiss me.
Started a new exercise routine yesterday. So far I`ve only missed one day.
I should be able to take a sick day if I am sick of the people I work with.
why would you go outside? that`s where bugs live
It`s shocking how much unhappiness is caused by the pressure to be happy.
Michael Schumacher`s former crew just visited him in the hospital. They changed the wheels on his bed and his drip in 4.4 secs.
They say money talks, mine just waves goodbye.
loosing weight tip: turn your head to the left then to the right. Do this everytime you are offered food.
I make a great second impression.
Dear Carly Simon, Yes I am so vain that I do think that song is about me.
This status has been censored by Facebook
F*ck you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
I think my mailman is stealing my Nigerian lottery checks.
when people fall in love they are called " love birds." when they fight they are called "angry birds."