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Who the hell invented Bull Riding? "Hey, I`m gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me!!!"
I feel like the majority of Eminem`s songs are just him reading from his diary with angry background music.
If you like to listen to music while having sex, listen to a live album. That way you will get an applause every 3-4 minutes.
Highschool Reunion? What for ? I`m on Facebook. I already know who got fat.
The grass is always greener over the septic tank
Don`t talk to me like I`m stupid until you know for sure.
I legitimately thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I`m in New York.
When life hands you lemons it should only remind you to buy more tequila, life is as simple as that.
I was going to do stand up comedy years ago but then I thought ...Ugghhh, standing...
Facebook, the lost and found for people. . .
why do people with bad teeth always have a smile on there face
If only someone on the internet would give me their opinion on the election.
I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
If someone doesn`t respond to your text within 5 minutes, they obviously don`t love you anymore. Probably never did, react accordingly.
I decided to make a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number 1: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes?