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If you don`t know where you are going, any road will get you there.
You know your fat when you sit in the bath tub and the water in the toilet rises.
I missed that one episode of The Walking Dead where they show us how the zombies keep everyone`s lawns so freshly mowed.
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough.
I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend’s bedroom. I can’t believe she’s a super hero.
make little things count. teach midgets math.
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
Diamonds are the hardest substance in the world ... to get back from a woman
I`m "got my sexual education from a 2 Live Crew cassette tape" years old.
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn`t have couches at this Best Buy.
Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you`re not being arrested?
It scares me when the lights go out and it`s complete darkness. The first thing I think is ... OMG I just went blind!
Have you ever wondered if Dora is smuggling drugs in her backpack?
Fun Fact: Over 97.8% of men have already made mistakes this year that a woman will remind him about for the rest of his days.
Let It Snow is my favorite song about people who don`t understand how weather works.