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I swear I just go to the strip club for the music.
I`m not much on seizing the day, I just kinda poke it with a stick.
It`s just a mater of time before bathrooms will eventually be called Selfie Rooms
Was born with a rare condition called "Amazing"
If cats had wings, they would still just lay there.
Happy "Another excuse to drink" Day!
I don`t care how much you liked the soap - NEVER be caught smelling your fingers while walking out of a public restroom.
Ya know once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it´s hard to get it back in.
I have a stalker. Everywhere I go, she`s always there, 10 paces ahead of me...
Sorry to burst your bubble, but your waiter doesn`t really think your choice was excellent.
I don`t know why I even bother chewing corn.
I was filling out this form when one of the questions asked "What level is your maturity?" I didn`t fill it out cause I couldn`t find my crayons!!
I feel like people who don`t have at least one bottle of expired salad dressing in the fridge, really have their lives together.
The only way to communicate with a drunk person is to get hammered too.
Ignoring things don`t make them go away, it makes them drunk dial you.