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I don’t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it.
Have you heard about the new movie called constipation? It hasn`t come out yet.
Besides tweeting during this job interview, what would you say is your biggest weakness?
Where 5 minutes becomes 5 hours. Facebook.
The only thing that makes me happy about the launch of a new model cell phone is that I can finally afford the previous model.
“I” before “E” especially after “P”. Mmmm pie
I never thought I’d be the kind of person who’d wake up early in the morning to exercise... and I was right.
I need a leaf blower, but for people.
Amnesia sounds so relaxing.
This guy told me that playing the voilin is the best way to calm you down. I bet he never tried smashing it over someone`s head.
I`m not sure who looks more frightened & confused when someone knocks on my door, the dog or me?
What`s the point of blurring out the middle finger on TV, like oh you`ve fooled me, what`s behind that blur? Is it a monkey? A pencil?
Women use sex to get stuff, men lose stuff because of sex.
I just ate some generic Frosted Flakes.... They"rrrrreeee alright.
Why is it called `after dark`, when it is really after light