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Million dollar idea: Duck Dynasty chia pets.
These ramen noodles taste like payday is next Friday.
The gym is like church to some people. No matter what they do all week, they think they can erase it with one visit.
I decided I`m not doing the whole clock-back routine this year. If you need me, I`ll be in the frickin future.
Watching game shows is like watching porn, you get excited watching someone else get lucky
Turns out people who say they love hot sauce on anything are liars. In other news, I`ve recently been banned from making the classroom coffee.
My resolution for the New Year is to find more situations where it`s acceptable to wear a bathrobe out in public
I just found out that a bucket of KFC when you`re finished with it, also doubles as a porta-potty...
Just had workplace violence training. It`s like HR doesn`t even care about the first rule of fight club.
Why do people post pictures of missing people on facebook?...like we are going outside.
Quick Hide! Monday is Coming!!
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
I just saw the neighbor`s kid trying to spray whipped cream on his cat. I`m thinking he overheard something last night in that house he wasn`t supposed to.
I wish there was a reality show where people learned grammar.
I`ll never need a shrink as long as my wife keeps pointing out whats wrong with me...