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There`s nothing as wonderful as waking up in the morning next to a gorgeous smiling face. So I keep a mirror next to my bed.
Just seen a sign reading "PAY ATTENTION WHILE WALKING your Facebook status update can wait". While on Facebook on my phone. While walking...
The most common crossfit injury is a black eye from talking about it too much.
"It`s not a pyramid scheme" is a phrase almost exclusively used by people involved in pyramid schemes
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything?
Summer is real cool until every f*ckin type of insect comes out of the 8th circle of hell.
North West? Im confused i thought Kim Kardashian gave birth to a child not a compass
Royal baby was born at 8 pounds. Thats like 12 dollars.
I only like clicky pens when I am the clicker.
If I don’t talk to myself, who will?
I need professional help. A chef and a butler should do it.
I didn’t scream out someone else’s name during sex. I was thinking of baby names in case you get pregnant…
"I get knocked down, but I get up again, You`re never gonna keep me down" ~Bowling pins
Not all men cheat. Some of you women just assume you’re in a relationship with the guy.
I want to take this moment to thank the depends adult diaper company for allowing me to play my video game for a strait 8 hours uninterupted...