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Seems like my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair.
Some people look for a perfect relationship, but all I want is a cheeseburger that looks like the ones on commercials!
People say "Happy Thanksgiving" which is nice, but then they ruin it by saying "Don`t eat too much". Do they want me to have a Happy Thanksgiving or not?
My husband has a blanket pulled up over his face. I think this means he wants me to talk to him.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I can not change.
Bad decisions and good stories or good decisions and no stories?
Sorry, when I said I have the stamina of an NBA player in bed I meant I take 10 timeouts in the final 2 minutes.
I hate how after an argument I think of really clever stuff I should have said.
Serious question: Are doctors sure erectile dysfunction isn`t just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?
I found that 99% of the time, when I`m not listening, just saying "that`s some bullshi*t" makes them happy.
News flash! someone just found Carmon Sandiego!
My doctor recommended I increase the amount of Greens in my diet...so I started drinking more Rolling Rock.
God is pretty creative. I mean, look at me.
Rapunzel is my favorite fairy tale about a woman who finds happiness when a man pulls her hair.
I feel like we really lowered our expectations of what constitutes magic when we began using it to describe markers