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Just drank a `coffee to go` while sitting. Screw the system!
Just because it`s a bad idea, doesn`t mean it`s not going to be a good time.
Doctor says I`m morbidly a beast. Thanks doc.
Kiss her in the middle of her sentence so you don`t have to hear what she`s talking about.
You know you’re awesome when you know you’re awesome.
I`m surprised more killers haven`t lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial
A drunk man walks into a bar...but enough about me...
Just farted in 3 different languages! Thanks, Rosetta Stone!
I`d like to give a big shout-out to all my hard of hearing friends!
So I was thinking... since the kids get the Easter bunny, why shouldn`t I expect a visit from a Playboy bunny today?
I just saw a bus that you would look amazing under.
Cleavage is like the sun. You can look, but don’t stare.. Unless you’re wearing sunglasses.
Ten out of ten pigs prefer turkey bacon over regular bacon.
That moment when you spell a word so wrong that even auto correct is like....`I`ve got nothing man.`
funny status idea: a funny and popular one