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In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on.
All my biological clock does, is let me know when it`s time to eat again
“Are you completely sure this isn’t textable?” -the perfect voicemail prompt.
Some people, even in photos, just look like they smell horrible.
So it`s racist to call a team Redskins but it`s okay to call a restaurant Cracker Barrel ?
Do crabs think we walk sideways?
Soup of the day: Beer
I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.
People who make really bad decisions are always like "I have the worst luck"
Why,does facebook want to make the likes one gets on their status like a story,like:peter and 500 others like this,click and see james and 499 others like this............
2013 is the first year since 1987 to have 4 different numbers… carry on.
You know it`s a really good bar when there`s a couple outside breaking up.
Would you like a push on that mood swing of yours?
The "Beware of Cat" sign posted outside my house doesn`t seem to be having the desired affect.
Dear single guys; open a pet shop selling cats. Let the single ladies come to you.