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I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "The Illuminaughty"
Women can walk around all day long in a bikini, but God forbid if you see them in their bras and panties. I will never comprehend this.
First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!
I`m really good at acting like I`m sorry the elevator door is closing and you missed it.
I`m always tempted to yell "Kevin!" mid-flight.
To whoever finds the $20 I dropped last night: spend it on alcohol. It`s what I would have wanted.
How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?
Not all country music is terrible. If you can get past the lyrics about trucks, mud, farms and cows... It`s actually not too bad.
How funny is it when you’re telling somebody a made-up story and someone says “Oh yeah I heard about that”?
Always believe a woman when she says: “You don`t want to know!”
To whoever has my voodoo doll, scratch between my butt cheeks....I`m in public.
Guys I can`t be leave I`m sharing this with you, but I saw my self on TV. After I turned it off.
I`m sorry if I come across as crude, outspoken, and opinionated. That`s only because I am crude, outspoken, and opinionated.
When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you`ve been doing since you were 15.
Before you have any hope for the future of humanity, come and look at how this guy parked.