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At least mosquitos are attracted to me.
Today`s big idea - Coffee eye drops
Million dollar idea: Alarm clock that releases spiders... NOW you`re up.
Sometimes I stand in the shower for 10 minutes before I remember what I`m supposed to be doing. So, yes your secrets are safe with me.
I swear this is the last time I watch Groundhog Day
With all the technology these days, you`d think they would come up with an Online Gym where losing weight would be a click away
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
If you think human beings have evolved a lot. Look at how much Egyptians worshiped cats. Then go look at Facebook for about 10 minutes.
A few bad decisions really liven up a boring day.
Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
Try Zumba, It`s awesome ... on my way to the emergency room.
No one has ever been in an empty room.
Balloons are so weird... "happy birthday, here`s a plastic sack of my breath"
I’m not saying I’m psychic, but I’m positive I will have no interest in what you’re about to say.
Just signed a $320,000, nine year deal with my therapist.