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My girlfriend said that I should use the term `make love` instead of `f*ck.` What the make love is she talking about?
I love living single, drinking double, and sleeping triple.
In honor of St. Patrick`s Day, I`m going to create a hybrid of a four leaf clover and poison ivy and give myself a rash of good luck
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
[the instructor clearly frustrated with me on first day of veterinary school] "It doesn`t matter if its a dog, it`s still called a cat scan"
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect already.
Technically, I don`t have to do anything until my wife wakes up and realizes I`m not doing anything.
I have no problem admitting that you made a mistake.
I wish my car was fueled by my lack of desire to go to work.
Old enough to know better, young enough to take a dare...
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “well that’s not going to happen.”
You said you wanted my advice, but I see you haven’t f*cked off or died yet.
dont love..dont hurt...keep doing flirt..:)
Like a good neighbor, strip clubs are there
I had my Crayola guy re-run the numbers,,, and there`s only 36 shades of grey