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A human fart can be louder than a trombone. I discovered that at my daughter`s school concert.
Save your little napkin, bartender. I don’t plan on having this drink long enough to set it down.
Ok advertisers, for the last time. I’m playing a game I downloaded for free. So, the fact that you chose to advertise here means your product is grossly overpriced…
Is your GPS supposed to sigh before it says "Recalculating"?
* feels winds of change * realizes it`s just a hole in my shorts
Random Thought: How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
If monogamy is sex with only one person, what is origami?
Whenever someone says they did something, "like a boss", I assume that means they didn’t do it at all and are merely taking credit for it.
Whatever “Estimated Time of Arrival” on the GPS. Challenge accepted.
My credit card company called. They want me to leave home without it.
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
If you can`t handle me at my worst, then that sucks because that`s all there is to me.
I don`t mean to brag... but I`m a pretty damn good peek-a-boo opponent
Thought I saw a kangaroo today but turned out to be a greyhound having a dump !
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on?