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The older the Facebook post, the creepier your “like” becomes.
I love hearing rumors about me...that`s how I find out what I`ve been doing.
You question whether you are getting old when your barber asks if your eyebrows need trimming, and you know it when he does it without asking
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
I`m so ghetto.... I had lights and water bill in my name before the age of 3..
I`m placing myself in "time-out" until I`m able to play nice with others! This may take a few hours as there are stupid people everywhere!
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn`t that make life fair?
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the “For External Use Only” warning labels.
It`s so expensive being a woman. I know because I have financed a few.
If we sneezed Windex instead of spit I bet my neighbors would be cool with me standing at their window.
Actually officer, if you factor in the earth`s rotation, we were all speeding.
I`m going to start tackling random guys in football jerseys saying "look how he`s dressed. He was asking for it!"
When dealing with women, you can either be right or get laid. You can`t have both.
It`s not "you`re" or "your". It`s mine. It`s all mine, everything is mine!
I´m up way too early for someone who wasn´t planning on seizing the day.