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If this world got any smaller I`d probably fall off - George T. Ignace
Now that I`ve maxed out my 401k for the year, I`ll get a tattoo, said no one ever.
My greatest talent is being able to watch 5 years worth of a TV shows in one week.
This pizza looks like a pie chart of 100% good news.
Grabbing a drink after work is perfectly fine.However, you look like an alcoholic when your getting that drink at 6am.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said bet you can`t hit me with a quarter!
You know your a$s is ugly when you`re the one always asked to take the photo.
exercise........you mean extra fries
Werewolves tend to transform only upon noticing a full moon already in the sky, implying the affliction is 100% psychological.
I just want you to be happy…and maybe a little bit naked.
I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find `em.
I don`t mean to brag... but I`m a pretty damn good peek-a-boo opponent
I put the whiskey in another room ... Exercise regimen established.
The best way to hang up on someone is to do it in the middle of your own sentence, that way they will just think you lost service.
People go to the bar hoping for 2 things...to get hammered or to get nailed.