Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate when I accidentally say "I love you" instead of "I`m biologically driven to want to reproduce with you and I`m temporarily delusional."
Wine is just grapes for procrastinators.
Hurricane preparedness tip: 1. Buy several kegs of beer 2. Drink beer 3. Wait for flooding 4. Drop kegs in water 5. Float to safety....
That`s like asking the fat guy to watch the pie.
you know....I wasn`t planning on going for a run today....but those cops came out of nowhere
If you want to preview of the new iPhone 8 and try it out for free before buying it just look at your iPhone 7 and pretend it cost several hundred dollars more.
Why can’t they make the whole week out of Saturdays?
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke.
The worst job to have right about now would be that of a realtor in Ferguson.
[boss calls me to office] We found a lot of disgusting porn on your computer. Thats a matter of opinion. Some may say it`s the right amount.
Well ... here I am ... cleverly disguised as a responsible adult!
Time travel means never having to say you`re sorry...
Walmart needs observation decks.
Single, means never having to say you`re sorry.
Don`t you hate it when you`re typing something and you`re thinking about something else so then you subconsciously type what you were boobies.