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Cannibals don`t drink coffee ... They have a cup of Joe instead.
McDonald’s steps 1) Get really excited about it 2) Eat it 3) Regret eating it 4) Wish you were dead 5) Repeat in a few months
"It seemed like a good idea at the time"............................... An often used phrase in a lot of my memories.
Finally got my Bon Jovi Sat Nav working... Wooahh we`re half way there.
The way my kids act at Walmart, it`s just a matter of time before the security camera footage is a hit reality show!
I don’t need a reason to enjoy a little wine. All I need is a glass.
Fun thing to do: Before leaving someone`s house, ask them if you can take a roll of toilet paper "to go"
If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there`s a millionaire walking around that invented the pool noodle.
1, 2 Freddie´s coming for u 3, 4 better lock the door 5, 6 grab your crucifix 7, 8 gotta say up late 9, 10 never sleep again
If adult diapers are called Depends, then baby diapers should be called Definitely!!
I never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn’t hate.
I read Facebook for the pictures.
Sorry I missed your call ... I was to busy singing and dancing to the ringtone
Beware of the deodorants with instructions that ask you to "remove the top and push up bottom"... they could at least make them round.
Would buy you a drink but I would be jealous of the glass.