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Did you guys know grammar police rhymes with humorless a$$hole?
So I just saw a donkey crossing the road. The cool thing was he looked both ways before crossing. What a smart a$$.
Ya know u would never know u where happy if u never had bad memory.
Facebook has suggested that I POKE you.
Some people have goals of conquering the world! My goal is to sleep through the night without having to get up and pee!
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my iPhone. 1) I don`t have iPhone. 2) I don`t have a girlfriend.
Everyone always talks about the early bird. How about the early worm? How´d that work out for him?
I don’t need a reason to do stupid things, just a venue.
Thanksgiving advice: Sit at the kids table for as many years as possible.
I wish I was important enough for my nudes to get leaked.
I do love you for your mind, I just like your mind a lot more when you’re naked.
Organized people are just to lazy to look for things.
I hate when I’m walking into the gym and the wind blows me into the liquor store.
I wouldn`t want to fly Virgin. Who`d want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way?
Tried to donate blood today but they had too many questions about where I got it.