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I`m boycotting Kix cereal because of all that kid testing.
Does any one know how to lower the difficulty settings on tinder?
Have you ever been so hungry you accidentally called someone sandwich?
What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
200 pictures of you at the bar and 2 pictures with your kids. You must be quite the mom.
im like the government: i spend money on things that aren`t important, and spend most of my time trying to explain to people why i need them.
When I see a guy sleeping on an unfolded cardboard box, I never know if he`s homeless or just tired from breakdancing.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you..
I peed so hard that a little laugh came out
I`d share my Netflix login but I`m too embarrassed by "My List".
Remember the good ole days when we had to get out of bed to use the Internet.
My bucket list: 4 drumsticks, 2 thighs, 2 mashed potatoes with gravy, and 2 biscuits. Extra crispy.
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
Never piss off the person that cooks your dinner ... EVER!
I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.