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Remember when double entry was an accounting term?
No, I would not like to know what fruit my body is shaped like.
A drunk man walks into a bar...but enough about me...
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
2 out of 3 isn`t bad. Unless you come home from the park with 2 out 3 kids.
The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2015.
Are you one of those people that get hurt from things posted on Facebook? You can easily avoid that by keeping your a$$ off of Facebook.
If you ever feel sad remember that there’s a number you can call and a pizza will be there in 30 minutes.
Girl says to her Blonde friend, I slept with a Brazilian man last night. The Blonde replies: OMG you SLUT! How many is a Brazilian??
I scratch my a$$ way to much to chew my fingernails...
Remember, you can always run from your problems. Unless your problem is a Cheetah.....then you`re screwed!
With great power comes great electricity bill.
Since joining Facebook, about 8 aggressive lampposts have walked up to me in the street and punched me in the face.
I`m sorry. . . I didn`t mean to stare. . . it`s just that I have never seen stupid of this magnitude up close before
Money isn`t the key to happiness ... Wait a minute, I`ll just pay to have a key made.