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Let`s simplify this. Deliver a pizza to me every night unless I call.
The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you dont have to mow it.
Sometimes all you need, is 500 million dollars.
I was offering free mammograms in the company parking lot long before my employer was doing it ... just sayin
The right man breaks your headboard, not your heart.
Never let a medical procedure scare you. That`s what the bill is for.
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.
It never ceases to amaze me that the little space between the driver’s seat and the center console in my car will fit any object that can possibly be dropped, but will not fit a hand.
Hopefully because of social networking, I`ve tarnished my reputation enough for anybody to ever place me in a role of great responsibility.
If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and emailed me 3 days later asking if I have a job yet
I don`t care if you wear footie pj`s or sleep with a Snuggie. If you swish Listerine in your mouth for the full 30 seconds, you are BADA$$.
It kinda makes sense that the target audience for fidget spinners lost interest in them so quickly
My chemistry teacher asked us what the heaviest metal was today. Apparently "Megadeath" was the wrong answer.
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can’t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.