Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that morning and mourning sound the same.
Being a fat guy at McDonald`s is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business
Take your age. Subtract 3. Then add 3. That is your age.
There are over 10 different flavors of Ramen Noodles, yet they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
Relationship Status: eating
Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?
People pay to sponsor animals in the wild and get pic updates on it. Well if anyone would like to sponsor me I will send you a selfie a day.
If you don’t count any of my failures, I’m quite successful.
In America, someone is shot every 15 seconds ... How is that person still alive?
Growing up we were so poor. If I wasn`t a boy I would have had nothing to play with.
First Ebola case in USA , and the Walking Dead starts next week... brb gonna go buy a crossbow.
If Guys Wrote Valentine’s Cards: “I don’t even need beer to think you’re attractive.”
When I die I want someone to play that little death jingle from Mario Bros at my funeral.
A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, "Looks like Santa lost his temper again."