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Today: I`m going to be understanding, productive, and nice. WHAT? Stop laughing! I`m serious!
A person who says they will never lie to you is probably lying already.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
I always keep a Mexican restaurant on speed dial in queso emergency.
Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. I`m made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine.
Dear person reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
Was going to watch the presidential inauguration today, but found something more interesting on a different channel. Watched "How cow farts affect the ozone layer" on The Science channel.
I love you more each day as my other options diminish.
Unless your kid`s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
Time to be an adult and give up my bath time rubber ducky. I´m upgrading to the tugboat!
Over 400 billion people a year are victims of exaggerated statistics.
Snails would be terrifying if they moved quickly.
Moses had the first tablet with cloud connectivity.
At least a stalker is there for you.
“Until death do us part,” means we will all be single in heaven, right?