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I met a woman on a dating site that said she was high maintenance when I finally saw her it looked more like she was in need of major repairs
The doctor told me I need more greens in my diet. So I have switched to mint Oreos.
Surly not EVERYBODY was Kung-Foo fighting?
Today I found a penny. It reminded me of you. Worthless & found in everybody`s pants.
Women say they love a man in uniform but when i go clubbing in my McDonalds uniform none of them will talk to me....I`m confused
Does anyone know when is the cut-off date to stop wishing someone Happy New Years?
I hate when my friends stand so close to me when pictures are being taken. It`s like they don`t know I plan on cropping them out later.
tried being normal. Didn`t like the feeling, so I`m going back to being ME.
I have an amazing psychic ability to find objects just before people lose them. Unfortunately, the police call it theft.
"Everything else tastes like us. Why do we need to die?" -chickens
A bachelor party is a lot more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Life advice: Enjoy the f*ck out of it. It`s that simple.
My favorite exercise is somewhere between a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
How`d this get posted?