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School taught me a lot of stuff, but the most useful was how to get ready in 15 minutes
If you play my day at work backwards, its about an idiot getting less and less annoying
Its all fun and games..until you get stuck on a level of candy crush!!!
After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself.
One day, I`m gonna wait for the Wal-Mart greeter to go on a bathroom break, step in their place, and begin welcoming everyone to K-mart.
I don`t remember anything that happened, but I may have had a drink or two...
"Ramen". - Scooby Doo, finishing a prayer
FUN FACT: I can fit 17 Pringles in my mouth. SAD FACT: I tried to figure out how many Pringles I could fit in my mouth.
Never squat with your spurs on
500 recipes pinned to my Pinterest board. Eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.
I can’t afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.
Apparently, "Giant ones" is not the appropriate response to the question, "What are the steps you would take in the event of an emergency?"
“I need to stop,” I whispered as I clicked next episode.
Why is it called `after dark`, when it is really after light
I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where 2 single people high five the sh!t out of each other because it`s negative.