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There`s a certain age where you can no longer use the term "Good girl gone bad". It`s more like "Her old a$$ should know better"
How to tell if a woman is mad at you: 1.She`s quiet 2.She`s yelling 3.She acts the same 4.She acts different 5.She murdered you
Give a kid a Pop Tart and they eat for a day. Teach a kid how to make a Pop Tart and you sleep in all summer
"Hello Kitty" should have been a brand of condoms...
I just saw a 2 or 3yr old boy wearing a t-shirt that says, "if mom or dad wont buy it I`ll just sms grandma and grandpa"
Anyone that says I`m a lover not a fighter has clearly never been in a relationship over 6 months
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written "f*ck off forever" instead of "keep in touch" in your yearbook.
Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I`d highly recommend Fight Club.
I don`t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it
I`m a firm believer that if something takes 10 minutes to cook on 200 degrees then it should only take 5 minutes to cook on 400 degrees
Hockey: because running on knives makes sense.
I don’t think I get enough credit for doing everything I do while being unmedicated.
When people stare at me, I assume its because they are taking notes on how to be a bad a$$ motherf*cker.
So apparently putting Alkaseltzer in my pocket while I`m getting baptized and pretending I`m the devil is not funny.
When I think of all the money I`ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!