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therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick: My girlfriend.
Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when your finished.
Don’t tell me what to do unless you’re naked.
You know your fat when you sit in the bath tub and the water in the toilet rises.
If advertisers were smart, they`d make a silent, slow-motion commercial that runs at normal speed when you fast forward through it on a DVR.
With all the technology these days, you`d think they would come up with an Online Gym where losing weight would be a click away
Just a word of advice for all you single guys having a hard time out there, Forget the clubs, forget the churches, forget the online dating sites, as the best places to meet single women are the freezer section and down the cat food isle.....
It`s that time of year again, to reflect and remember how much I love my tax deductions. Kids... I meant my kids.
How am I supposed to show a girl I like her, if I can’t even make her a mix tape anymore?
I bought a book called `How to become an expert at Origami`. So far, I`ve made 1000 paper snowballs.
A good way to break up with a girl gently, is to curtsy when you`re meeting her father instead of shaking his hand.
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store asked to come back soon.
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.
I`m not the kind of guy to distance himself from anything... Far from it.