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What I lack in height, I make up for in kitchen counter climbing ability.
People who go jogging, you realise we have cars now, right?
Girls don`t dress for guys, they dress for themselves. If they dressed for guys they would be naked all the time
Mondays should start at noon.
This nude beach would be great!...if I wasn`t the only one participating.
Facebook is the best place to say whatever you want. If it doesn’t go over well you can just say you were hacked.
Technically, I don`t have to do anything until my wife wakes up and realizes I`m not doing anything.
Thank you Pringles for being the only chip company that doesn`t sell air.
Give a man a fish and he`ll go to McDonald`s instead. Teach a man to fish and nope, still McDonald`s
If a picture is worth a thousand words then why does everyone only buy Playboy magazines for the articles?
Parenting is a lot like the bar scene: Everyone`s yelling, everything`s sticky, it`s the same music over and over again and occasionally someone pukes somewhere they
Hey Pringles, it`s time to widen the can. Your core demographic isn`t exactly thin-wristed.
Women my age expect a man to have his sh!t together by now. Time to start dating younger women.
Releasing a long silent fart as I walk through first class on the way to my economy seat is definitely my favorite part of boarding an aircraft.
My favorite thing to do on Facebook is to get in a long conversation with someone and then delete all my comments so they look crazy.