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I just leased a 2013 lamborghini, no payments till January. Those f@kin Mayans better be right.
I put "extremely organized" on my resume and I don`t even remember what folder I saved it in..
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra.
My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That`s not my waiter!
Never let your printer know you`re in a rush, those bastards smell fear
I dont know about you guys, but I am amazed Pringles is able to constantly grow the same shaped potato. Science.
I`m just chilling tonight with my new plane ... Oops, I`ve said too much.
Anyone who wastes my time is a clocksucker.
Today I caught myself thinking of you and smiling... but it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
If you`re not employed by the Secret Service, there is absolutely no reason to have a Bluetooth on your ear.
I live like I type, fast and with lots of mistakes!
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
I don`t make enough money to go on vacation so I`m just going to get drunk this weekend until I don`t know where I am.
There are plenty of fish in the sea ...That`s cool and all....but I`m a human.
Aaron Hernandez`s next jersey is going to be a jailhouse jumpsuit!