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Call me crazy, but I don`t think I really need to be in this mental institution.
Sure, we can be friends. I get to be Chandler.
I`m not lying, I`m just making the story better.
I really don`t need to be loved.. I would settle for being tolerated. :)
Sometimes I run toward people & expect them to know that I want them to do the Dirty Dancing lift but they never know and I slam into them.
Actually, I prefer to smile on the `inside`, then no one knows what you`re up to....
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me more than a week to realize that I`m not at work anymore....
If you think your wife has a sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose pedals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Walmart
Would I be in a porno for a million dollars? It depends. What kind of porn? Will my mom see it? Do I have to pay the million all at once?
I live like I type, fast and with lots of mistakes!
I could snap at any moment. Seriously, with either hand.
What does it mean when you sit next to an elderly woman on the bus and she shakes her head and makes the sign of the cross?
Constantly losing socks in the laundry but finding change. So logically there has to be a sock fairy.
I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus, and now I`m impecunious.