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Congratulations! You’ve just read this sentence.
Nothing like responsibility to ruin a perfectly good day.
When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
I`m considering buying a racehorse and naming it, "My Face". Just so I can hear everyone in the stands scream "Come on, My face!!"...
If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I’m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
With Halo 4, Black Ops II and Assasins Creed III, I think November might register the lowest teen pregnancy rates in a long time!
Despite the high cost of living, it still remains popular.
Found out today your supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at waffle house....just trying to help.
OH I´m sorry! I didn´t realise you were giving me a dirty look. I just thought you were ugly like that all the time!
If kids are so wonderful why do you have to pay people to watch them?
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, cake... You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad."
I never fail to win at Rock, Paper, Scissors when I pick up the other person and throw them out the window.
Rob Stalker for congressman........Stalker....a name you can trust.
You might think you`re smart until you try using someone else`s microwave.
People who enjoy life, rarely have a flat stomach.