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I`m so hungry I could Instagram a horse.
7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10.
How could a man who is covered in tattoos be afraid of commitment?
Apparently somebody gets stabbed every 52 seconds...sucks to be that guy
I have done some truly amazing things to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.
Nothing shall separate me from the love of beer...
It`s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
Every have one of those moments where you look at yourself in the mirror and think "Damn if I weren`t me, I`d totally hit that."
"The more the merrier": My excuse for extra food.
There are two types of people...don`t worry you are not one of them.
If they made a movie of my life, it would just be a lot of scenes where I`m looking for something to wipe my hands on.
I`ll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I`ll be over there for you.
Just because nobody complains doesn`t mean all parachutes are perfect.
maturity comes when you stop publishing every detail of your life on social media
A friend suggested I see a therapist but the truth is, I like being f*cked up.