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I`m on this great new diet where I spend all my grocery money on strippers.
Vegetables are a must on my diet. I am eating Carrot cake, Zucchini bread and Pumpkin pie.
Ever gotten that awkward feeling? ..like the one when you realize you`re chewing on a BORROWED pencil?
When will vegeterians stop eating my food`s food??
I`m not saying I hate you, but I`d unplug your life support to charge my phone.
Would stiff nipples be a good name for my air conditioning company?
Alex, I`ll take WTF for a $1000
I got a little package in the mail today. For some reason it just reminded me of my ex.
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.
Half-Drunk is a waste of money.
There`s a big difference between a mechanic and a surgeon when they work on a tranny.
Instead of walking faster when someone holds a door open for me, I slow down to test their door holding resolve.
I`m telling you, Godzilla must have feet made of steel. I step on a Lego and can`t walk for a month.
Never marry a tennis player " love means nothing to them "
I liked Hoarders much better when it was called Sanford & Son.