Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Life is what happens when your cell phone is charging.
I would like to give thanks to the brave men and women who died a long time ago tasting which plants were edible and which plants were not.
A cop just pulled me over -- asking if I knew my tail light was out? I said, `Uh uh. I drive on the inside of my car`
I always advise people never to give advice.
I’ve never pretended to be anything I’m not…except for sober. I’ve pretended to be sober a few times.
HANGOVER!!!!! it`s God`s way of sayin "u kicked a$$ last night"
If Wyle E Coyote had enough cash to buy all that ACME stuff why didn’t he just buy dinner?
Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent. Now the alarm clock is broken and I`m wide awake. Not sure who won.
What I lack in sex appeal I make up in staying home and drinking.
The fact that this peanut butter jar states that it "Contains Peanuts" makes me extremely nervous for the human race.
I wish I had Dora`s mom and dad, they let that girl go everywhere.
I wish life had a “rewind-the-weekend” button.
When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
There is a 99.9% chance I am hungry.
HR says I`m not allowed to scream "OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP" when I walk through the front door at work anymore :(