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Transformation Tuesday! Throwback Thursday! Flashback Friday! Never underestimate a woman`s ability to find a reason to post a selfie.
One quality I`m not looking for in a partner is the ability to maintain a virtual farm. #FarmVille
I tend to avoid things that make me look fat. You know like scales, mirrors and photographs
Son to mom: why should I sweep the floor? Mom to son: do you want to be an Olympic Curl champion?
I always close my eyes when I kiss a woman. Experience tells me that if my eyes are open, I get a lot more pepper spray in them.
Now it`s too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
I was in the gym earlier and decided to jump on the treadmill. People were giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.
When someone says I love you over the phone and you don`t feel the same, just say `I love youtube` but say it really fast!
I can`t fall asleep because I am too excited for Christmas
I think sharks eat people just to be on tv.
Find someone who is honest, laughs when you make fun of them, and then give each other orgasms.
What scares me most is that some people think I actually know what I’m doing.
I have said it before. I will at it again. If anyone is into wife swapping. I will take a dirtbike or a puppy. Hit me up.
Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That’s why most women wear makeup and most men lie.
Played Naked Twister last night and man, did it get RAUNCHY!....I can`t imagine what it would be like with other people.