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Haters are my motivators(:
Apparently, “I had an interview with a better company” is not an acceptable reason for being late for work.
All I`m saying is, China could have a much better relationship with the West if they shared their dragons with us. But, whatever, be that way.
My kids don`t even know they have a grandma that gives them $100 on their birthdays
When my kids ask what a word means, I tell them to bring me a dictionary. Then I smack them with it, and tell them to Google that shi t.
I have to hand it to people who lead a double life ... I can barely handle the one I have.
Soup of the day: Beer
"Safely remove USB." Who does that?
How come the voices inside of a crazy person`s head never say shit like "hey, go to the gym" or "hey, cure cancer" or "hey, don`t be crazy"?
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I`m going to bed
Maybe one day a loooong time ago a kid decided to play hide and seek with his pet Bigfoot but just didn`t explain the game properly.
The toughest decision I will make today is bottle or draft.
I’m planning on ringing the new year in with a kiss ... whether my dog likes it or not.
Strange new trend at work. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Yesterday I ate a tuna sandwich named Jennifer.
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(