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He died doing what he loved, annoying the hell out of me and not believing I would stab him.
It`s pretty cool how vodka always has such `great` ideas.
I`ve heard of women that aren`t crazy ... but I`ve also heard of unicorns, so whatever...
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
My life is a movie. One of those movies where most of the people start leaving right in the middle of it.
I`m late on the give thanks every day in November thing... so let me catch up. Days 1-22. I`m thankful for boobs
If you`re going take a bathroom picture, at least clean it off. I can`t see anything through all the toothpaste.
There`s a reason why natural disasters have female names.
We look like we are being productive, but really, we are just talking sh!t about co-workers and how drunk we got last weekend.
I`d like to be poor for a day, because being poor everyday gets to be real annoying after awhile.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sandwiches are tasty, rhyming is hard
When you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
I`d like to have a child one day ... Two days, tops.
Thanksgiving: "Let`s give thanks for the stuff we have." Black Friday: "Ok, let`s get all new stuff."
Twice-baked potatoes, refried beans, etc.: Damn, people, cook it right the first time or get out of the kitchen!