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I make one mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
I would watch NASCAR if hot wheels designed the tracks.
7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10.
"Should I add more liquor?" is the most ridiculous question I`ve ever been asked.
Hell yes, I would love to get stoned to death. Wait, rocks?! What rocks?
My doctor told me to start killing people. Well it wasn`t those exact words. He said I needed to reduce the stress in my life.
I seem to start my day backwards. I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.
Any woman can make you a Millionaire.. You only have to be a Billionaire first.
You`re the one who wore a red and yellow scarf to class. So don`t look at me weird for shouting "10 points for gryffindor" when you answer questions cause I know you wanted this. -Bfanch
It is possible to stay in your room all day and be perfectly happy.
I need chapstick on my lips ... anyone want to share ?
Divorce... The most common home improvement project.
"Be strong" I whisper to my coffee.
I don`t have a drinking problem........I just celebrate everything!!! Like the fact that I have pants on, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.
True love is when you burn your tongue when you take a bite from a pizza and you still keep eating it.