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You seem to love cocktails... or part of it.
It may look like I’m in deep thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
3 horrible facts: 1. Today is not Friday... 2. Tomorrow is not Friday... 3. The day after tomorrow is not Friday...
Life is not like a box of chocolates. Its more like a jar of jalapeños, what you do today can burn your a$$ tomorrow
You`re not laughing out loud. You know it and I know it
I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to them.
You haven`t really made it until people start using your name as a verb.
People who say, “Happy New Year” to you on the 4th of January are not really your friends.
I’m pretty sure putting time limits on when breakfast is served is unconstitutional.
L`oréal`s mascara makes your lashes 60% longer? Wow! They should make condoms.
I still have a landline. Or as I like to call it, Cell Phone Finder.
When I was a kid... No wait. I still do that.
I just heard "Eye of the Tiger" and now I`m motivated to conquer the world. Or at least get out of my pajamas.
I read that taking a long, hot bath can help with managing stress. Unfortunately my boss doesn`t approve.
The "Beware of Cat" sign posted outside my house doesn`t seem to be having the desired affect.