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I will do a lot of things but admitting I`m cold to my wife who told me to bring a warmer jacket isn`t one of them...
i hate not being able to correct the typo i just made in my previous statues update......DAMN IT! I JUST DID IT AGAIN!
My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I`m camping, I won`t be covered.
I saw the most beautiful painting at the store the other day … but then I realized it was a mirror.
Grey Goose and Red Bull, because two sets of wings is better than one.
My cardio is shopping.
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone`s ok with that.
People I hate are not allowed to be funny.
I need an emoticon that’s stabbing another emoticon in the eye with a pen while repeatedly punching it in its little emoticon balls.
I broke my finger today. But on the other hand I`m fine.
Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation.
Just once I want my boss to assume I`m tired in the morning because I fight crime all night, not because of all the booze I drank.
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves ...That`s where I come in...
Constantly losing socks in the laundry but finding change. So logically there has to be a sock fairy.
ATMs should have built in breathalyzers. I would save so much money.