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I just passed the local college and saw 3 very fit young ladies with very tight yoga pants walking to class...I have never been so motivated to return to college.
Some days, the best thing about my job is that the chair spins.
I should probably be in a relationship just for the supervision.
Breaking News: I took a bath today
I hate in video games how penguins always use their ability to slide on their stomachs for evil
If your wife asks you if you know where the broom is, it`s not a good idea to ask her if she is going somewhere.
For the record, giving someone the creeps for Christmas is technically not a gift.
Rejected Olympic Events: Javelin Catch... Jello Shotput... Border Fencing... Cardboard Boxing... Menstrual Cycling... Salad Tossing... Wrestling Demons...
Thank god we don`t send messages with pigeons anymore. Where would I find 200 pigeons every day?
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well...my phone number for a start
When I was a kid...no wait, I still do that.
The real fountain of youth is to have a dirty mind and a naughty smile.
I`m not real excited that the wrapping on my toilet paper said `100% Recycled`.
Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?