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Its all fun and games until you realize your Capri Sun has no straw.
After listening to what some people have to say, I am rethinking the importance this whole freedom of speech thing.
Sarcasm. Because communicating with morons is hard.
Sometimes it’s funnier when you DON’T add “lol” at the end. lol
Whoever said "Lets do that" in the meeting for the pop-tarts without frosting, should be fired
sorry but your password must contain an "uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, and the blood of a virgin"
Subway is the only place I can walk in and ask for a 12 inch Italian and not feel like a slut.
I was an atheist, until I realized I was a sex god.
Having a bit of a lazy day, sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused
Don`t worry if you had a bad day, remember there are people who have their ex`s name tattooed.
I`ve been calling my wife "honey" for 12 years because I don`t know how to tell her I forgot her name.
yes I have a dirty mind, and yes you are in it...
If you`re behind someone at the ATM late at night, let them know you`re not a threat by giving them a gentle kiss on their neck.
I have to be funny because being hot is not an option.
The longer I sit in this drive-thru, the more pennies I’m going to pay with.