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So, when is this Old Enough To Know Better thing supposed to kick in?
Happiness is the journey, not the destination, and when you reach your destination, ie; bottom of a beer, you must embark on a new journey, ie; get another beer........
Dear American Express, can you raise my debt ceiling?? Thx, bro.
I went to see a psychiatrist today. He told me I had a split personality and charged me $160. I gave him $80, and told him to get the rest from the other a$$hole!
It`s weird how after they couldn`t put Humpty Dumpty back together the King`s men were like "Let`s give the horses a shot at it"
Do people who exercise not know about ice cream and Netflix?
Wife says to her husband, "You wanna change positions tonight?" He says, "Yeah!" she says, "OK, you do the dishes and I will sit on the couch and fart."
I hope Breaking Bad ends with Jesse waking up from a dream in the middle of Mr. White`s chemistry class.
Horoscopes: When you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend to blame for your failures, try the solar system
Slowly, Waldo`s wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together
Divorce is what happens when two people win an argument.
Every time I see an obese cop, a small part of me hopes he has to chase me.
You sure do seem to know a lot about love and relationships for someone who spends 22 hours a day on Facebook.
A company has announced a new service where you carpool with strangers. It`s a new cutting-edge technology called "taking the bus."
Smelling another person should be a choice.