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Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous...Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet.
I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
If the interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years. Standing naked on top of a fire truck does not appear to be the correct answer
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough.
Anybody else have that annoying problem of Work and Family interfering with your FaceBook time?
It has been scientifically proven that any woman can be satisfied with only 3 1/2 inches — and it doesn’t matter if it is Visa or MasterCard
To-Do List: Nothing [?]
If no one from the future comes back to stop you, is it really that bad of an idea?
Don`t tell me what to do unless you`re naked.
Pretty much the only time I want to hear about your ex is if she`s standing behind me with a weapon, other than that I`m good.
I don`t know why I ever signed up for Facebook. I mean like seriously, this dating website sucks!
If animals spoke our language we`d be in their debt because they`d have some seriously incriminating dirt on all of us.
I suspects that whoever named that Icelandic volcano (Eyjafjallajokull) must have fallen asleep on their keyboard while thinking it up.
I read in a book somewhere that we only use 12% of our brains....I wonder what the other half is for?
I remember the days when I could refer to my knees as right and left. Now I refer to them as the good and bad knee.