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Anyone else wake up in a grass skirt and coconut bra?
To error is human, to forgive is divine, to keep your damn mouth shut is much appreciated.
Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone.
I always wince when someone tells me they’re going to hit the sack.
If you say "cash money" around me, Don`t act surprised when I kick you in the "balls nuts" See how stupid that sounds?
Me being rude: Shut the f*ck up. Me being polite: Please shut the f*ck up.
Boobs are like friends. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake. And some are just so fantastic you want everyone to meet them.
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
All I’m saying is you don’t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
I shake my bottled water so the H`s & O`s are evenly distributed.
7 billion people on this planet and I can`t find one who doesn`t annoy the f*ck out of me.
Life gave me onions ... Onionade sucks.
I`m going to stop off at the fabric store before my next status to get some new material!
I`m starting to wish I were a werewolf so I`d have a better reason for waking up nude in public with no memory of how I got there.
Facebook is great, but I still miss the good old days of writing down my random thoughts and sliding them into stranger`s pockets.